Guest Post

I am so frustrated with her. I have been around for five years. Never has this happened to me before. All she does is sit indoors. She needs me twice a month when she goes grocery shopping or to go to a nearby drugstore. Oh and how could I forget the mall? I am a Volkswagen Jetta! Not a Maruti 800 that you use to run errands. I am no errand boy!

And do not even get me started on the neighborhood that she lives in. Someone had the nerve to walk along both sides of me with a key digging into me the whole time. I was keyed!! No Sir, I was not made for this! 

Where are those long drives, ramping up on the highway? Drifting through the rain? Oh how I miss every single previous owner of mine. 

 I bet she doesn't even know what the gear 'S' does. When she asked a friend " oh, what does CRUISE mean", I started crying. And she freaked out thinking it was a gas leak! When I do get my engines started I do not know if I should be happy. I almost always regret that. I have never been so embarrassed on the road before. In my six years post-manufacture I have been honked six times. All in the past three months! Holly molly, I had to calculate thrice and make sure that it was actually only three months since I was IMPRISONED by her!  Feels like three centuries.. Let me go! Sell me away! 

I've been hearing a lot of talk and countdowns about her boyfriend visiting her in the summer. He is my only ray of hope. Oh, boyfriend of the owner of this unfortunate car, I hope you use me for what I am.

A disgruntled car

to be or not to be

I am almost 24 years old. I still am training myself to deal with failure and hurt and disappointment. I am not yet sure of what the best way to deal with it is. When I let it affect me, I do not have the courage to face what caused the failure anymore and hence overcome it. Lately, I have been telling myself to grow some balls and deal with it. But what I have been actually doing is forcing myself to be numb to these things. And then one fine day, the tiniest, silliest thing could be the last straw to break my back! I know it from experience. Not sure why I am doing it again.
Maybe I should be more mature about it. Deal with it in a more logical way. Maybe my train of thought should be : okay things didn't work; why? how? what do i change to make it work? and do it again with the new parameters. But then, this is what I do in my numb semi-logical state of mind. I hate it when I worry about what people think of me. But I do worry about what my boss thinks of me. It would be very pretentious of me to say that I don't. And standing and working for eight hours straight on a three day experiment over and over again and seeing it fail over and over again is not funny. It's like a slap on the face. Maybe that's how life is. You pay a price for the good things it offers. You need to put up with the shittiness, the many failures. I wonder what's greater; the pain you endure to survive here or the fear of death. Or are they the same?
I suddenly remember the very first line of a poem I had to read in sixth grade i think. ' What is this life, if full of care. I have no time to stand and stare' I think that's how it started. Thinking of it makes me sad. I had long stopped believing that there is any meaning to life or we are born with a specific purpose. I just think that we are born and one day we die. And life goes on. But while we are here or at least while I am here, I shouldn't take a single moment for granted. Feel lucky to be born and experience life. And despite these 'ideals' I feel life for me hasn't begun yet. Everything seems bleak and uncertain. I don't know if there's light at the end of this tunnel. I feel trapped. I want to get out but I dont know where to go. When I try to be brave and try to be optimistic and try to do things the right way, it hurts infinitely more when it doesn't work.

A note to readers : I am completely 100% against the idea of suicide. I think it is cowardly and stupid and selfish. I feel extremely low at the moment and am just writing down my thoughts. Please do not get wrong ideas.

Pilot

My first time on blogger. I am going to try and make this my censored vent and a place to spend at least two days of every week of my life. The latter being a not-so-subtle suggestion by Mr.Probability. Well, now that I'm here.. LET'S DO IT!!

Well despite the enthusiastic LETS DO IT, I am not expecting to write masterpieces here. Nor should anyone who happened to come across my blog. Oh, and that is only one of reasons why I am the queen of disclaimers! So I was wondering why people blog, how it was born hardly a decade ago and it's now a part and parcel of a lot of lives I suppose.. That question entered my head at least a dozen times the last one hour I was staring at the blank screen thinking of what to write ( I really hope I get better at that). And of course I would go to good-old wikipedia. It seems the word "blog" originated from weblog as in web-log. It soon came to be broken into we-blog, resulting in the term "blog".  So that's how it came about! I could not have guessed that! But it makes sense. Blog is too weird-sounding a word to have been created out of nowhere. Almost sounds like what a drunken person with impaired speech would call you when they intended to call you a hog. " You Blog!". Blogging Enthusiasts, no offense please :-).

I haven't started having the time of my life here yet, but this is so much better than what I was doing two hours ago. And for a significant part of the whole of last week. It's so strange, that certain things that you don't enjoy doing, things that make you look down upon yourself, things that are no good and are only going to cause you regret; no matter how much you tell yourself all this, you still are drawn to do it. Okay now, before imaginations run wild, my "thing" is Gossip Girl. And I won't admit it to anyone who I know! I feel dumb for getting hooked to it, I do not know what I see in it or why i see it at all despite all the mind numbingly stupid plots that go on there. Well, I have a lot of passing phases and I know Gossip Girl's one of them. That's the only good thing about bad habits I guess. Anyway, I'm shall now sign off here. More in my next!